22 August 2009 at 3.50pm | Comment on this article
Corbin's crew and Fraberoom's gang opposite sides of the stage in umberworld.warlike music plays.
They all sing "blood, dread, I shall pronounce you dead" rpt 4 times
William is purching on a tree in the middle
The tree he purches on sings "I have been here through many age many battles rage, in the echo of time no lessons learnt"
"Alas, the vagaries of a virtual relationship don't quench the flames of desire. Hurry, hurry before you are betrayed."
Fraberoom unleashes a blood curdling roar "Corbin I shall slash you in half"
C "Not if my talons sink deep into your blackened heart first"
Tree "Do you not recall how this all begun? you once brothers, guardians of the sky and you sung"
Both groups circle their own leader "begin the dread, begin the blood begin the dead"
Hans enters convent &finds Helga mixing potions. Asks if she's found something for William but she's making something for her pain
Hans asks Helga where William is and she tells him he's in Umberworld. He wants Helga to go with him, but she's done with this.
Helga drinks her potion for the pain and suddenly her wings disappear. Both she and Hans get excited. This should cure William.
How to find William? Helga drinks potion again and her wings grow back. She grabs potion and Hans and flies away to Umberworld.
Back in Umberworld, Corbin and Fraberoom about to fight with W singing frantically for them to stop. Suddenly Helga and Hans land
Hans calls to William "We have the means to bring you back to humankind!"
Helga holds out the potion to William (keeping some in reserve, just in case) and begs him to drink it.
William reaches for the phial, but Corbin attempts to intercept "This should be mine- I too am from humankind!"
Fraberoom "No its mine, to be humankind would be devine" vile is throw into the air spilling over Corbin and Fraberoom
All wait expectantly, but nothing changes. Helga whispers to Hans "The potion must be imbibed to have effect"
William inspects the phial hestitantly: "How will we all return to Earth without my wings; Helga cannot carry 2 of us"
Hans turns to Helga: "A bird I must be..." Helga nods and hands him the phial: "A bird in the Hans, as twas foretold"
if there are two birds on the roof don´t shoot only one !
fraberoom, Celine and T "Charge" They run towards their enemy
Hans swiftly imbibes the potion and sprouts beautiful rainbow wings. The 3 ascend, leaving their foes cursing below.
Fraberoom, defeated, looks down. There is the discarded phial. One remaining drop of potion glistens.
Celine has seen it too: she glares at Fraberoom, reaching her gnarled fingers toward the phial. Tobermory looks on.
a crazed old woman and the talking cat battle for the soul of the hero.
F " take it, for you deserve, the chance to reserve..a new life you shall begin, my love for your vile features shall never din
Celine blows a kiss to Fraberoom.grabbing the phial with her black nails the potion hits her tongue.C "it burns" hissing sound.
smoke surrounds Celine, burning sound
T "what stench has become of you, Fraberoom has betrayed your blackened heart, to the firey pits of hell you depart"
With an orange puff of smoke she disappears
T "I must to descend to where i belong, farewell Fraberoom my evil friend" grabbing a sheet he parachutes back to earth"
a 30 piece marching band parachutes alongside him playing a dramatic melody for his gusty descent back to solid ground
Tobermory decides he has to relocate his mother, now he is human again "I have now seen the importance of family love"
He has no idea where she, Hans and William have flown to, but he MUST find her! He casts around for inspiration
Tobermory decides to begin his search in the nunnery. He charters a flight to Bolivia - - Santa Ave convent next!
REWIND A BIT… Meanwhile, Hans wanders into tavern The Pear Tree, parched. Inside… Bird Chorus (drinking song, with tankards):
When threescore 10 times 2 is the sum of the equation, It’s all about the adrenaline rush of instant gratification!
Art or no, bizarrely we agree of this concoction, Its taste is such that once acquired it grows into addiction!
(Hans changes his mind & wanders out again, in search of tavern with NO BIRDS notice on door.)
(Unseen by departing Hans, Will appears, as malevolent burst of song is heard from inside tavern)
Chorus: What are they going to do about poor William?/ Should they just take the easy way out and kill’im?
(In reflective pool nearby Will gazes down & addresses his mirror image, disgusted with world, Hans included): Circling vultures!
A pox on their flock! May Bird Flu gatecrash their nasty soiree! Oh woe is me! Trapped as I am in this fractured plot of
…misunderstandings, this nervous breakdown in communications where forced nonlinear brevity robs my very essence…
…of sense & levity, & all seems raucously lost in translation! Is a curse once uttered never to be revoked?
Fie! Left to my own devices here, I may indulge in some verbosity.
(Tavern door opens & Ghost of Alfred Hitchcock responds, with tankard): A Fish Tale with a whale’s avoirdupois.
…That is my word for the day. (Ghost of Alfred Hitchcock goes back inside tavern)
Will, startled: Is that a clockful of cuckoos? (Sings, to tune of Sing a Song of Sixpence):
1. Was I not a fool to sign away my life/ In matrimony’s pact to that twit’ring fishwife?!
What future may await me is perilously dim! When spells must be reversed it seems I need the Brothers Grimm.
2. I’d rather live a fairy tale than a nightmare,/ I see it now, my rescue as Royalty’s heir/
Bestows the kiss of life (with elegance & grace!) Permitting me to rightfully rejoin the human race.
3. A noble calling hath the canary in the mine, But seekers of the job form a very short line!
If they find their blackbirds down to 23, Will they fill their horrid pie by putting in me?
Ghost of Alfred Hitchcock pops head out): On that note of pessimism I’d like to make a point about the villains of this piece…
… Such monstrous egomaniacs would kill for 15 minutes of fame! Maim for 10. Hurt some poor wretch really badly for 5…
… So desperate for attention are they in fact, they’d gleefully make a swap of 1 celebrity moment for a Chinese Burn.
(Ghost slams tavern door, Will jumps into tree. Ghost reappears): And the moral of the story is simple. Beware, all who venture
..into the shadows of Umberworld! For here the risk of Identity Theft is real. And surreal!...
… Witness this gentleman here with the feathers. (Ghost disappears into tavern)
Hmm. Racing plot probably now indicates otherwise but… Does Helga turn out to be a Princess, & Will her long-lost regal brother?
Children of… the Evil Lord Corbin & Lady Fraberoom (divorced, embittered, sworn enemies now but long ago in love & conjugal bliss…
Or perhaps together Evil Lord Cor & Lady Frab were once a half-bird half-cat monster, The Siamese Falcon…
… that reproduced asexually by splitting into the 2 villains that we know & fear today.
& then produced 1 royal heir each, Helga & Will. A chaste peck on the cheek from Helga has the power to restore Will, and
Will & Hans (Hans… Solonomore…) can again be a bickering couple? All things possible in parallel world of Starling Wars...
Tobermory arrives at nunnery but it is deserted. Where has everyone gone? Even the birds in the trees are silent
Tobermory finds a half-burnt map. He makes out the words 'Nazca lines' and the shape of a hummingbird. "To Peru"
Somewhere in Peru, Tobermory on an alpaca, map in hand, seeking directions to Nazca and lines. Herdsman appears ....
Herdsman regards Tobermory with amusement: "Nazca, señor? You'll need more than an Alpaca if you want to get there"
"Kind sir, pray tell how I should arrive there. I seek my kin with a map saying 'Nazca lines'. I know not of this"
Herdsman "Only from above do the Nazca lines show their wonder. Do you fly, young traveller?"
Tob'mory sighs: "Flight is the one thing I cannot do, señor. I must find the hummingbird symbol. Would you guide me?"